Spill (Let Go)

I don't own a diary and dare not keep one. But I think that this topic deserve to be written because I still carry these baggage of emotions that needs to be released. So here I go

Dear J

It's been maybe over three years since I've last physically seen you and yet your online presence still haunt me with a vengeance.

I've tried to delete you out my life but I need to clear the air.

About a year after we went our separate ways you asked me: "Why do you hate me? Why do you feel turned-off by me? The truth is I've never hated you !!. While living with you it was utter bliss, I loved your accent, your sexual energy & mental stimulation, but soon the sour part came-in when I understood that you could not be 100% attached to me and you found the need to be sexual with other individuals. I know your response will be "But you was doing it too!!!!" but the only reason I did it was because you said "knowing that your partner is messing around with someone else, it turns you on..." so I did it, however I couldn't continue doing it because all I wanted was you, and not share you.

Our communication deteriorated quickly in the last months of our alliance and I felt that I couldn't trust you. Please bare in mind that my brother or your job situation did nothing to influence our disbandment.
I didn't know how to tell you this back then because I was hung up on my own personal problems, insecurities and life choices.

I couldn't be in a love-hate relationship any more so I needed to end it before it went to deep.
Watching you pack your bags & leave was the hardest, I wanted to run to you and hold you, smell you and say don't leave, but it needed to be done.

I'm sorry that their were emotional pain involved, but rest assure that it was on both sides.

In conclusion: long story short: At that particular time the end result was me only seeking peace & not turmoil.

This may be the last time we communicate; Good luck with your future and I hope you find comfort within this email.

Bye