I'm NOT DEAD

My Drama has not stopped..

I was recently hospitalized, I moved and I'm feeling tireder than ever.

I'll update in a couple of weeks, maybe months depending on my situation.

Update

I havn't started Part 3 of: From Trust to Mis-Trust.

I promise I'll do so next week (god's willing).

Snow

When it rains it pours (for lack of better term)...

This snow is ridiculous.. It reminds me that I'm out of shape because all I'm doing is running, jumping, skating and slipping on these sidewalks here in NYC. Its like a military drill and my body hurts!!

I cant remember the last time I've witnessed this much snow storms attack NYC week after week. Probably the 90's?

Thank god that I don't have to go to work today because god knows I couldn't get up this morning. The picture to the right is what outside my window looks like less than 5 minutes ago! At least the streets are clean.

Update 1: I took this picture to the left Friday evening while walking in front of a church in Brooklyn. Its basically snow all the way up to my knees.

That day I've never been that scared in a long time; the side walks wasn't clean and when I do find a clean sidewalk its like walking on pure ice, I was continuously slipping praying to god that I don't slide from the sidewalk into the streets unto oncoming traffic.

Then there is the streets, I had no choice but to walk on the streets sometimes because the snow on the sidewalk was impenetrable and under it was slush so my entire feet got wet. And walking on the streets with traffic is like playing Russian Roulette with your life.

No taxi's were available and public transportation was completely shut down!

Update 2: My friend who lives in brooklyn sent me this picture to of infront his house (The picture with the stair case).

And the picture with the light pole is what I took out while walking to my neighborhood barber shop. Its about 18 inches of snow on the side walk, I had no choice but to walk in the streets.

Update 2

I went to pulmonary specialist to get the results of my recent sleep study and they found that I have a sleep apnea, but here's where its gets worse: they say that while I'm dreaming my blood oxygen level falls dangerously low and my lungs trigger my body to wake up. They say that may explain my headaches but the real serious part is that everything closes off from my neck go down and I'm unable to breathe.

They plan to do another sleep study but this time with oxygen to see the difference and if that may help.

Jesus Christ man!!!! I lost 7LBS within the past 3-months and now they want me to loose even more weight in an effort to help my problem.

But with all of this they still cannot identify why i have chronic insomnia.

Bone Chilling

I've been wanting this weather for so long and now that I have it I cant take it, my joints hurts, my bones hurts and body hurts.

This is completely new to me because I usually embrace the cold weather and even play in the snow but this year its different.

Am I getting old?

Update

I haven't been in the mood to update my blog for some reason. Could it be lack of interest... I don't know!!!

A couple months ago I would of come home jump online and blabber then read other blogger post but now I feel like time is passing me by. These days when I get off work my mind shut down; I only watch a couple of television shows then prepare myself for another day of work related activities.

This quote is so telling of me: Stop Existing & Start Living

I think an extended vacation is wayyyy over due on my path. I should go somewhere like the English Country-Side.

All I'll need is an unlimited supply of food with a chef on-call, Internet, Water, Satellite, maybe a pool, no serial killers and electricity of course.

Laziness

This blog is practacally new becuase I wanted to change alot of stuff.

I used to manage another blog with close to 200 posts but I've decided that that blog needed to come to and end because I needed to evolve and just be in a more truthfull place.

My title says laziness due to the fact that when i'm bored I dont write and its easier to copy posts from my previous blog and paste it in here.

Dreams... Where are you?

I have the disadvantage of being clinically diagnosed with severe insomnia for many many years; I cant sleep at night. I've tried ambien, ambien-CR and amitriptyline in the past and now I'm on lunesta. Sleep Studies don't work and I don't know any insomniac anonymous classes to attend. It seems like I'm paying for my sins (or someone elses sin if you ask me).

To endure this type of torture is no joke, especially when you gotta go to work and act normal.

When Michael Jackson died I was so scared because I thought that I may be next, you see he had the same problem as me, we cant sleep and no matter how we try to use sedatives to accommodate us our body's get used to it then it stop working, then we need higher dosages, and its feels like a ladder of drugs/sedatives that we need just to shut off our minds for a couple of hours.

When will this sleeplessness end? I'm cranky when I don't sleep and it seems like no one understands that when you sleep your body goes into restoration mood and repair all damaged stuff.


PS: Thats not me chasing the sheeps in the photo

Knowing

Its pretty dificult to understand that when I'm at home I'm usually completly different than when I am at work.

When I am at work I just put on a happy face and do my job.

Does everyone experience this or is it just me?