Brother Brother you disappointed me.

Late last week my brother & I needed to go food shopping, however every time we set a date he'd flake on me.

So Sunday he called and said he cant make it and told me that he's gonna take an extended lunch break on Monday and go with me (I was off yesterday). I prefer not going to a wholesale store (BJ's) alone because 8 out of 10 times some pervert will either be heckling me or gawking at me, I don't like feeling uncomfortable.

So yesterday he called me early around 8:00am and said he'll be leaving work around 12:30pm, I said "great" and ended the call. Around 12:35pm he called me and said he got stuck at work and most likely we'll go after 6:00pm when he get off. I said OK and disconnected the call.

6:15pm I text'd him to find out where he is and he responded saying: "Sorry but I had a previous engagement and wont be able to make it." I text'd him back saying "OK".

I then got dressed and left the house, catch the bus to the mall and walked about 3 1/2-Manhattan size blocks to BJ's. I got everything I wanted and bought him two items just because he's my brother and when he comes over to visit or spend the night I don't want to have him starving.

While waiting to catch the bus back home (in the dark w/street lights) I saw a man and a woman walking across the street towards me talking loudly, giggling and swinging a Target bag in their hand. I immediately recognized that voice and was shocked to know it was my brother. I'm not one to cause a scene unless necessary; however at that particular time too emotions was running through me and I was a lost for words, nevertheless the dominant emotion I felt was betrayal.

Him and I made eye contact from 100 feet away and his face just exhumed complete surprise, I turned my face away and continued looking towards the direction of the on-coming traffic. In the background I heard him and his female companion talking & within 5-minutes they disappeared, probably they went on the bus going towards his or her home. (Just some info: The girl is his girlfriend but he never introduced me to her because he claimed that he'll be ending it with her soon and there's no need for us to meet. I know its her because her photo is on his facebook page stating that he's in a relationship with her).

Yesterday I was angry at the fact that he kept changing the date with me but was even more displeased that he couldn't be honest with me. The vision of him wearing the jacket & shoes I bought him giggling with his girl friend sent me over the edge!!! At least I was strong enough to control my emotions.

Yes I know I sound kind of bitter but the BJ's & Target are on the same block!!

Well Today I feel no animosity towards him, I still intend to give him the two items I  bought for him without prejudice.

Sorry if theres any spelling errors and sentences not making sense but I had no time to proof it here at the office.

Snow

When it rains it pours (for lack of better term)...

This snow is ridiculous.. It reminds me that I'm out of shape because all I'm doing is running, jumping, skating and slipping on these sidewalks here in NYC. Its like a military drill and my body hurts!!

I cant remember the last time I've witnessed this much snow storms attack NYC week after week. Probably the 90's?

Thank god that I don't have to go to work today because god knows I couldn't get up this morning. The picture to the right is what outside my window looks like less than 5 minutes ago! At least the streets are clean.

Update 1: I took this picture to the left Friday evening while walking in front of a church in Brooklyn. Its basically snow all the way up to my knees.

That day I've never been that scared in a long time; the side walks wasn't clean and when I do find a clean sidewalk its like walking on pure ice, I was continuously slipping praying to god that I don't slide from the sidewalk into the streets unto oncoming traffic.

Then there is the streets, I had no choice but to walk on the streets sometimes because the snow on the sidewalk was impenetrable and under it was slush so my entire feet got wet. And walking on the streets with traffic is like playing Russian Roulette with your life.

No taxi's were available and public transportation was completely shut down!

Update 2: My friend who lives in brooklyn sent me this picture to of infront his house (The picture with the stair case).

And the picture with the light pole is what I took out while walking to my neighborhood barber shop. Its about 18 inches of snow on the side walk, I had no choice but to walk in the streets.

Slow Down

Slowing down is something that my mind refuses to do.

Regardless of me trying to calm myself down it's as though it continues to race, pacing back and forth at the speed of electricity.

Prayer, Meditation, Silence, Darkness and even a change in my diet does nothing to help my mind just relax.

How can I be unconfined from my thoughts?

Nothing Grand

The snow storm in new york on December 26th 2010 did wonders to my psyche (in my opinion). I got the much needed rest that I needed. I got a week off and did nothing but sleep, eat and recharge my batteries. I never noticed this but I have dark circles under my eyes (What The Hell) I'm only 27!!! But back to recharging my batteries: I think before I was on the verge of a breakdown and now i feel like 60% of that has been lifted.

Work
In response to work: it has been very slow, Orders are coming in slow and I've only been working 2-3days a week. That leave me with a lot of time to just sleep, watch TV and catch up with local news.

Family
My family don't know about my health status. But all of us speak over the phone regularly and exchange text messages from time to time.

I spoke with my mother today and she seems to be in a worse spot than me, she's over worked & under paid. Her body hurts and her finances are dwindling. I wish I can do more for her, but I cant, I can only pray.

I also spoke to my favorite aunt "E" today. She placed me in charge of her estate but not in charge of her health care. She sounds horrible. She has been in a rehabilitation center for the past 2 months recovering from an emergency hysterectomy. He wounds outside is healed but they did a couple of tests on her and found out the her hemoglobin is extremely low and she's bleeding on the inside. They admitted her into the hospital today.

Neighbor
I cant remember if its this blog (I'm too lazy to do a search) or my other one that I talked about my upstairs neighbor who beats her kids and heckle them with derogatory remarks. Well anyway: I finally notified Child's Services about her and they came Friday night around 12:30am. I don't know what the social worker discussed but when the social worker left I herd her screaming and causing a seen. I herd her saying: "I cant believe this dirty faggot ass nigger called child services on me for beating my kids, If I catch his ass I'm gonna fuck him up!"

I wanted to report her threats but it would of been her world against mines. So I didn't.

She haven't seen me yet and I haven't seen her, but I wanted to get a restraining order against her. I went to the Attorney's General Office & Criminal Court to acquire a restraining order but I was denied because I don't have the correct spelling of her name, her date of birth or her social security number which is required so she can be served.

I searched facebook, myspace, google, New York State inmate records and I cant find her name and/or her date of birth anywhere. If only I knew someone who works at a Hospital or access DMV records to get her info. (I know, I know, it sucks).

Me
In closing (ha ha, kinda sounds like a speech) Last year was the year of me, but this year I need to help others because they helped me when I needed it.

New Year

Well the new year is here and I know most/many individuals has resolutions that they'll like to fulfill, But I don't think that I have any resolutions because all I want this new year or would like to achieve (for lack of better words) is:

Total Happiness