Well I love frasier and this episodes is like one of my favorite. Take a look:
Gardens of the Mind
8 years ago
Friday, September 10, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Forgetful
I came on here to talk about something but now I cant remember what it is.
Whenever I remember i'll send myself a text message.
Whenever I remember i'll send myself a text message.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Spill (Let Go)
I don't own a diary and dare not keep one. But I think that this topic deserve to be written because I still carry these baggage of emotions that needs to be released. So here I go
Dear J
It's been maybe over three years since I've last physically seen you and yet your online presence still haunt me with a vengeance.
I've tried to delete you out my life but I need to clear the air.
About a year after we went our separate ways you asked me: "Why do you hate me? Why do you feel turned-off by me? The truth is I've never hated you !!. While living with you it was utter bliss, I loved your accent, your sexual energy & mental stimulation, but soon the sour part came-in when I understood that you could not be 100% attached to me and you found the need to be sexual with other individuals. I know your response will be "But you was doing it too!!!!" but the only reason I did it was because you said "knowing that your partner is messing around with someone else, it turns you on..." so I did it, however I couldn't continue doing it because all I wanted was you, and not share you.
Our communication deteriorated quickly in the last months of our alliance and I felt that I couldn't trust you. Please bare in mind that my brother or your job situation did nothing to influence our disbandment.
I didn't know how to tell you this back then because I was hung up on my own personal problems, insecurities and life choices.
I couldn't be in a love-hate relationship any more so I needed to end it before it went to deep.
Watching you pack your bags & leave was the hardest, I wanted to run to you and hold you, smell you and say don't leave, but it needed to be done.
I'm sorry that their were emotional pain involved, but rest assure that it was on both sides.
In conclusion: long story short: At that particular time the end result was me only seeking peace & not turmoil.
This may be the last time we communicate; Good luck with your future and I hope you find comfort within this email.
Bye
Dear J
It's been maybe over three years since I've last physically seen you and yet your online presence still haunt me with a vengeance.
I've tried to delete you out my life but I need to clear the air.
About a year after we went our separate ways you asked me: "Why do you hate me? Why do you feel turned-off by me? The truth is I've never hated you !!. While living with you it was utter bliss, I loved your accent, your sexual energy & mental stimulation, but soon the sour part came-in when I understood that you could not be 100% attached to me and you found the need to be sexual with other individuals. I know your response will be "But you was doing it too!!!!" but the only reason I did it was because you said "knowing that your partner is messing around with someone else, it turns you on..." so I did it, however I couldn't continue doing it because all I wanted was you, and not share you.
Our communication deteriorated quickly in the last months of our alliance and I felt that I couldn't trust you. Please bare in mind that my brother or your job situation did nothing to influence our disbandment.
I didn't know how to tell you this back then because I was hung up on my own personal problems, insecurities and life choices.
Watching you pack your bags & leave was the hardest, I wanted to run to you and hold you, smell you and say don't leave, but it needed to be done.
I'm sorry that their were emotional pain involved, but rest assure that it was on both sides.
In conclusion: long story short: At that particular time the end result was me only seeking peace & not turmoil.
This may be the last time we communicate; Good luck with your future and I hope you find comfort within this email.
Bye
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Knowing
When I am at work I just put on a happy face and do my job.
Does everyone experience this or is it just me?
Monday, September 6, 2010
Violation
Insecurity combined with depression is horrible.
I didn't understand until a couple weeks ago that I was raped. For the past couple of days it hit me like a sledge hammer that this violation of my body actually happened. I was dumbfounded and wondered why I didn't recall this memory before. I placed the entire situation in the back of my mind and labeled it as just rough sex.. But for the past couple of days I realized that it wasn't and then I swung into a deep depression. I kept feeling sorry for myself and played the part of the victim very well because I thought to myself that I deserve it.
It happened about 4-Years ago. I remember I went online via one of those dating websites and met a man on there. I'm gay and finding a straight man to conquer is an effort in my mind because you have to convince them to have sex with you. He wanted to try it and I quickly cleared my night schedule and met up with him. He came to my home and pick me up in a minivan and took me to his house somewhere in the Queens-Long Island Border.
At his home he performed analingus on me, lubed me up and slid inside of me and within a couple of minutes he was fucking me relentlessly!!! I don't know if its the thrill that made him so aggressive or the fact that I was not having sex with anyone (so I was extremely tight). It was over in about 10 minutes, I felt kind of used as soon as it was over and I just wanted to go home. While getting a ride home from him, the vehicle was quiet and he just blurted out: "I'll never fuck another dude again", I didn't know how to comprehend this because one part of my mind was saying: whatever dude and the other part was saying: that's what all straight guys say their first time experience.
After getting home I jumped in the shower and washed off the dirtiness from my body. My mind continued to express conflicting thoughts. One minute I was thinking: Maybe it was just rough sex and the next minute I was thinking "yeah definitely I was raped".
After years of suppressing the feelings I'm a little bit more clear and now I know for a fact that if your having consensual rough sex your anus is not supposed to feel ripped up for days on end and take weeks to heal.
Where should I go from here? I've never told anyone this..
I didn't understand until a couple weeks ago that I was raped. For the past couple of days it hit me like a sledge hammer that this violation of my body actually happened. I was dumbfounded and wondered why I didn't recall this memory before. I placed the entire situation in the back of my mind and labeled it as just rough sex.. But for the past couple of days I realized that it wasn't and then I swung into a deep depression. I kept feeling sorry for myself and played the part of the victim very well because I thought to myself that I deserve it.
It happened about 4-Years ago. I remember I went online via one of those dating websites and met a man on there. I'm gay and finding a straight man to conquer is an effort in my mind because you have to convince them to have sex with you. He wanted to try it and I quickly cleared my night schedule and met up with him. He came to my home and pick me up in a minivan and took me to his house somewhere in the Queens-Long Island Border.
After getting home I jumped in the shower and washed off the dirtiness from my body. My mind continued to express conflicting thoughts. One minute I was thinking: Maybe it was just rough sex and the next minute I was thinking "yeah definitely I was raped".
After years of suppressing the feelings I'm a little bit more clear and now I know for a fact that if your having consensual rough sex your anus is not supposed to feel ripped up for days on end and take weeks to heal.
Where should I go from here? I've never told anyone this..
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